Then on the night of Oct 22nd 2006 I start feeling major cramps and lay in a hot bathtub all night. I am still having them by the time our assistant house mother comes in at 8 am and she tells me that it sounds as if I'm going to have a baby today! WHAT? WAIT! NO!! I'm not ready. I don't want to push out a baby, make it go away! But I call Angie and she calls M&K to let them know that this maybe the day but that the contractions were far apart and may not be true contractions as I was 2 weeks early. I kept Angie posted as they kept coming closer and closer and of course M&K are scrambling trying to get a flight and all that jazz.
Needless to say I went to the hospital around 2pm and didn't even get checked in till 5pm as it seemed everyone was having a baby that day and the doctor was busy! DOH!
I get my drugs and a needle in the back and my mom can't be there because she is at work. So Angie stayed with me the whole time and it turns out in all the years she has been in the adoption field this was her first birth that she was going to see! Well, its now around 9 m and doctor big hands say its time to push.. I said NO!! I need to wait for M&K! He waits a little bit longer and says we can't wait anymore and I start to push, well low and behold we all hear a knock at the door and its them!! K comes rushing up to my side and grabs my hand and my leg! haha! She is all in it now! But I could not see M and in between pushes I ask where he is. He pipes up and says "I'm back here"! I told him to come up from behind the curtain and watch his daughter be born. I know he was staying back for my privacy while I'm in my full glory and normally I would want guys to stay back but this was something different. It was sexual or anything like that. It was the miracle of birth and not just a birth but the birth of his daughter. I wanted them to experience it all. Of course being doped up probably made my decency fall through the cracks! More pushing and being in hard pushing/labor for 20 mins (first kid, yeah I know I'm lucky!!) She finally graces us with her presence. M gets to cut the umbilical cord! K stays with me but able to see "C" and I can't because my bed isn't high enough to peep over though I was trying! They wash her and then hand her over to me! What a B E A UTIFUL baby!!!!! I was in love! We all then shared her first feeding but I can't remember who went first! lol Lots and lots of happy tears later everyone goes home because its way past visiting hours.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
My story: part 3 more on the side of adoption
So, in the middle of all of that crazy DRAMA (I really hate drama)I was meeting regularly with my counselor. I also felt the need to begin the adoption process of finding the right family, which I was told doesn't normally happen until a few months later than were I was. I didn't care, "it" really needed a family and I wasn't going to waste time. I told Angie (my counselor) what in a family I wanted. here were my requirements:
Christian
A Mom & Dad- because I believe that there are things that each one posses that just can NOT be taught by the other. and I was raised by a single mom who had to work 3 jobs just to try and make ends meet and she missed out on so much of my life, but she did the best she could and I could have asked for a better mom for me.
A Big Family- by way of immediate family or close friends I didn't care
So Angie handed me 12 profiles that fit the bill and as soon as I saw M&K's picture I felt at ease. I read their profile. They loved to go see the Boston Pops perform and I loved playing instruments, so I knew that "it" would be introduced to music.
They included so many pictures of them with family and friends, another tally mark for them! And in those pictures were some from different countries; another tally mark in favor of them because I grew up an Air Force brat and lived in another country and have the traveling bug! "It" would be able to see places not in her back yard!
I knew I liked them but didn't want to give out on all the other potential families. So I held onto the profiles for a few days and had the house mom and the other girls look through them and each one said that M&K were the ones that seemed more like me. I never even told them who I favored. And so that was settled. I called Angie and told her who and she called them to arrange a meeting. A few months later I would meet them to make sure that I could trust them with this gift. They seemed great on paper but how would they be in real life? I was so nervous.
Christian
A Mom & Dad- because I believe that there are things that each one posses that just can NOT be taught by the other. and I was raised by a single mom who had to work 3 jobs just to try and make ends meet and she missed out on so much of my life, but she did the best she could and I could have asked for a better mom for me.
A Big Family- by way of immediate family or close friends I didn't care
So Angie handed me 12 profiles that fit the bill and as soon as I saw M&K's picture I felt at ease. I read their profile. They loved to go see the Boston Pops perform and I loved playing instruments, so I knew that "it" would be introduced to music.
They included so many pictures of them with family and friends, another tally mark for them! And in those pictures were some from different countries; another tally mark in favor of them because I grew up an Air Force brat and lived in another country and have the traveling bug! "It" would be able to see places not in her back yard!
I knew I liked them but didn't want to give out on all the other potential families. So I held onto the profiles for a few days and had the house mom and the other girls look through them and each one said that M&K were the ones that seemed more like me. I never even told them who I favored. And so that was settled. I called Angie and told her who and she called them to arrange a meeting. A few months later I would meet them to make sure that I could trust them with this gift. They seemed great on paper but how would they be in real life? I was so nervous.
My story: part 2
This is continued on from the previous post..
So, I get home from the abortion clinic all hopped up on gas, the most expensive high (and only) I have ever had because even if you don't go thru with the abortion they still like to keep your money and I was to doped up to even think/process that at the time. Anywho, I didn't know what to do. No abortion = still pregnant, but still I knew I couldn't raise a baby. So a few days later I pack a few things into my van and head home back to my momma. She had known about my rape when I found out I was preggo and was supportive of my choice to get an abortion. Well, even though I went back home I couldn't face her and tell her that I was still carrying around "his" baby. I just felt so ashamed of everything. I remember one day just driving up and down the main road searching for a billboard I had seen a bazillion times through-out high school and yet could not find it at all. I kept driving by churches to stop and ask for help finding it or knowing the place it advertised but always chickened out. Oh the thoughts that run through your mind and worrying about what others will think and the thoughts of having to talk to the police. I did not want that. I am normally a very shy girl so to air out my dirty laundry was unthinkable.
So, I get home from the abortion clinic all hopped up on gas, the most expensive high (and only) I have ever had because even if you don't go thru with the abortion they still like to keep your money and I was to doped up to even think/process that at the time. Anywho, I didn't know what to do. No abortion = still pregnant, but still I knew I couldn't raise a baby. So a few days later I pack a few things into my van and head home back to my momma. She had known about my rape when I found out I was preggo and was supportive of my choice to get an abortion. Well, even though I went back home I couldn't face her and tell her that I was still carrying around "his" baby. I just felt so ashamed of everything. I remember one day just driving up and down the main road searching for a billboard I had seen a bazillion times through-out high school and yet could not find it at all. I kept driving by churches to stop and ask for help finding it or knowing the place it advertised but always chickened out. Oh the thoughts that run through your mind and worrying about what others will think and the thoughts of having to talk to the police. I did not want that. I am normally a very shy girl so to air out my dirty laundry was unthinkable.
My story: part 1
We all have them and we are all changed by our own stories and sometimes we are changes by others as well. It is my hopes that my story will change someone's thoughts and opinions on certain subjects. Not that I believe my opinion is the right one and that you should do it my way, but that you see that maybe the world's way of thinking may not be what really happens...
I was in a *public* bathroom one night and in there I was raped by a stranger. I tried to fight him off and said no over and over again to no avail. So I went into my mind and off into my own world while it happened. I had learned to do that when I was younger and raped by my stepbrother for 4 years. (that is all you will know of my rape as the details are very personal and not for everyone to hear)
Anyways, I locked myself away in my room for a week and bathed in bleach the whole time and then I finally emerged from my room with the thought of "well, that is life" and went back to work without telling a soul.
It was about a month later that I started to feel sick at stinky smells but reasoned that it was because of the new birth control I had started to take messing with my hormones. Seemed logical to everyone as they had no clue of my rape. Then finally someone asked me "are you sure you are not pregnant?"
I was in a *public* bathroom one night and in there I was raped by a stranger. I tried to fight him off and said no over and over again to no avail. So I went into my mind and off into my own world while it happened. I had learned to do that when I was younger and raped by my stepbrother for 4 years. (that is all you will know of my rape as the details are very personal and not for everyone to hear)
Anyways, I locked myself away in my room for a week and bathed in bleach the whole time and then I finally emerged from my room with the thought of "well, that is life" and went back to work without telling a soul.
It was about a month later that I started to feel sick at stinky smells but reasoned that it was because of the new birth control I had started to take messing with my hormones. Seemed logical to everyone as they had no clue of my rape. Then finally someone asked me "are you sure you are not pregnant?"
Miracle
In a dark, scary world
A beam of light glows upon my face.
In cruel and unfair world,
A piece of gold finds my way.
In a world turned upside down,
A miracle was found in my womb.
A blessing from above.
A little child to love.
All these things given to me.
All these things I give to you.
You are my daughter, my little one.
And even though our time has come;
For it is time to place you in your parents arm.
I will always love you,
My baby you'll always be. ©
~Jessica Gardner
12/14/06
A beam of light glows upon my face.
In cruel and unfair world,
A piece of gold finds my way.
In a world turned upside down,
A miracle was found in my womb.
A blessing from above.
A little child to love.
All these things given to me.
All these things I give to you.
You are my daughter, my little one.
And even though our time has come;
For it is time to place you in your parents arm.
I will always love you,
My baby you'll always be. ©
~Jessica Gardner
12/14/06
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)