What else can we cram into November?

     This month has many things going for it. The list is long and each day in the month has a plethora of individual things as well.
The list includes:
Latin American Month
National American Indian & Alaska Native Heritage Month
National Epilepsy Month
National Red Ribbon Month (anti-drunkdriving)
National Stamp Collecting Month
National Georgia Pecan Month
National Pepper Month
National Hospice Month
National Peanut Butter Lover's Month
National Raisin Bread Month (mmmmmmmm)
National Diabetes Awareness Month (which the previous 2 can lead to, lol)
No Shave Novemeber
THANKSGIVING (keeping my maternity pants around just for this)

but most of all, the one closest to my heart is

National Adoption Awareness Month

     Most of everything you will read will be about protecting the orphans as God instructs us to do. You will also read a lot from adoptive parents and their struggles. Its good to find comradery and to get a feel of what it will be like to adopt. But I feel like that part of adoption is already so available to read and we should focus more on the adoptee themselves and the birthparents. Yes, of course I bias towards the birthparent aspect, but there are so many bad stereotypes about us floating around out there or we seem to be on a pedestal. Strangers view me as a recovered drug addict when they find out I placed my child for adoption and adoptive parents look at me like I have freakin angel wings and a small shed of tear in my eye. 

     People, we are normal everyday humans!! Not all of us are on crack and we could have raised our children, but there are many reasons why we are not. I'm also not a Saint. Yes, I made a family complete but I was only doing the best for my child, not because there are people who can't have a baby in the conventional way and I wanted to bless them. I also don't hold back my emotions, I become a hot mess on certain days when I think about my first daughter. There are also days where I *gasp* barely think of her. It has been 7 years people, I'm not so fresh. I don't beat myself up for that. Of course I always think of her (I have her pictures in every room) but its not the overwhelming "what have I done" as it was when I first placed her. 

     I also find some adoptive parents blog's rather annoying. Mainly because even though they say they are there for the birthparents, really they don't think twice about us other than the fact that we gave them their child. And then it becomes all "well I'm the one who raised her.... blah blah blah". Um HELLO we are not deadbeat dads that you are trying block form visitations until we cough up child support. We didn't abandon our child (though that is a valid emotion for adoptees to feel) so we could live how we want and sow our oats. Keep us in our child's life, even if it is through pictures and letters left at the agency. Even if your child's birthparents were cracked out whores, leave updates for us.

     Better yet, lets get the ball rolling on better laws all around. Give birthparents more time to choose to parent or place after they give birth. Let the babies go home with the birthparents for a night or two so they can really get a hold of their emotions and rethink why they are placing. WE HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO CHANGE OUR MINDS and we are not horrible for doing so. Make promises adoptive parents make to keep in contact legally binding (I'm not saying the courts can take the child away for not keeping in contact, but maybe fine them each time?). SOOOOOO many birth moms that I know have shattered lives becasue what was promised to them was broken before the first year, hell lots the first month, after placement.

     EVEN BETTER, know someone who is thinking about placing? Why don't you come along side them instead of pushing or pulling either way and help them to get the all the help to be able to parent so they really can feel as if they are making the best possible choice for the child no matter what they decide. 

/end rant

 Well.... that must have been on my chest because I feel better about this month! ha!

Seriously though, adoption is great and I'm a big supporter, just wish there wasn't a need for it for everyone involved in the triad.

My story: part 4- The big day!

Then on the night of Oct 22nd 2006 I start feeling major cramps and lay in a hot bathtub all night. I am still having them by the time our assistant house mother comes in at 8 am and she tells me that it sounds as if I'm going to have a baby today! WHAT? WAIT! NO!! I'm not ready. I don't want to push out a baby, make it go away! But I call Angie and she calls M&K to let them know that this maybe the day but that the contractions were far apart and may not be true contractions as I was 2 weeks early. I kept Angie posted as they kept coming closer and closer and of course M&K are scrambling trying to get a flight and all that jazz.

Needless to say I went to the hospital around 2pm and didn't even get checked in till 5pm as it seemed everyone was having a baby that day and the doctor was busy! DOH!
I get my drugs and a needle in the back and my mom can't be there because she is at work. So Angie stayed with me the whole time and it turns out in all the years she has been in the adoption field this was her first birth that she was going to see! Well, its now around 9 m and doctor big hands say its time to push.. I said NO!! I need to wait for M&K! He waits a little bit longer and says we can't wait anymore and I start to push, well low and behold we all hear a knock at the door and its them!! K comes rushing up to my side and grabs my hand and my leg! haha! She is all in it now! But I could not see M and in between pushes I ask where he is. He pipes up and says "I'm back here"! I told him to come up from behind the curtain and watch his daughter be born. I know he was staying back for my privacy while I'm in my full glory and normally I would want guys to stay back but this was something different. It was sexual or anything like that. It was the miracle of birth and not just a birth but the birth of his daughter. I wanted them to experience it all. Of course being doped up probably made my decency fall through the cracks! More pushing and being in hard pushing/labor for 20 mins (first kid, yeah I know I'm lucky!!) She finally graces us with her presence. M gets to cut the umbilical cord! K stays with me but able to see "C" and I can't because my bed isn't high enough to peep over though I was trying! They wash her and then hand her over to me! What a B E A UTIFUL baby!!!!! I was in love! We all then shared her first feeding but I can't remember who went first! lol Lots and lots of happy tears later everyone goes home because its way past visiting hours.

My story: part 3 more on the side of adoption

So, in the middle of all of that crazy DRAMA (I really hate drama)I was meeting regularly with my counselor. I also felt the need to begin the adoption process of finding the right family, which I was told doesn't normally happen until a few months later than were I was. I didn't care, "it" really needed a family and I wasn't going to waste time. I told Angie (my counselor) what in a family I wanted. here were my requirements:
Christian
A Mom & Dad- because I believe that there are things that each one posses that just can NOT be taught by the other. and I was raised by a single mom who had to work 3 jobs just to try and make ends meet and she missed out on so much of my life, but she did the best she could and I could have asked for a better mom for me.
A Big Family- by way of immediate family or close friends I didn't care

So Angie handed me 12 profiles that fit the bill and as soon as I saw M&K's picture I felt at ease. I read their profile. They loved to go see the Boston Pops perform and I loved playing instruments, so I knew that "it" would be introduced to music.
They included so many pictures of them with family and friends, another tally mark for them! And in those pictures were some from different countries; another tally mark in favor of them because I grew up an Air Force brat and lived in another country and have the traveling bug! "It" would be able to see places not in her back yard!
I knew I liked them but didn't want to give out on all the other potential families. So I held onto the profiles for a few days and had the house mom and the other girls look through them and each one said that M&K were the ones that seemed more like me. I never even told them who I favored. And so that was settled. I called Angie and told her who and she called them to arrange a meeting. A few months later I would meet them to make sure that I could trust them with this gift. They seemed great on paper but how would they be in real life? I was so nervous.

My story: part 2

This is continued on from the previous post..

So, I get home from the abortion clinic all hopped up on gas, the most expensive high (and only) I have ever had because even if you don't go thru with the abortion they still like to keep your money and I was to doped up to even think/process that at the time. Anywho, I didn't know what to do. No abortion = still pregnant, but still I knew I couldn't raise a baby. So a few days later I pack a few things into my van and head home back to my momma. She had known about my rape when I found out I was preggo and was supportive of my choice to get an abortion. Well, even though I went back home I couldn't face her and tell her that I was still carrying around "his" baby. I just felt so ashamed of everything. I remember one day just driving up and down the main road searching for a billboard I had seen a bazillion times through-out high school and yet could not find it at all. I kept driving by churches to stop and ask for help finding it or knowing the place it advertised but always chickened out. Oh the thoughts that run through your mind and worrying about what others will think and the thoughts of having to talk to the police. I did not want that. I am normally a very shy girl so to air out my dirty laundry was unthinkable.

Miracle

In a dark, scary world

A beam of light glows upon my face.

In cruel and unfair world,

A piece of gold finds my way.

In a world turned upside down,

A miracle was found in my womb.

A blessing from above.

A little child to love.

All these things given to me.

All these things I give to you.

You are my daughter, my little one.

And even though our time has come;

For it is time to place you in your parents arm.

I will always love you,

My baby you'll always be. ©



~Jessica Gardner

12/14/06