I know I'm not good at all at keeping up with this blog, and for those that are interested in it, I'm sorry!
This pregnancy was a rough one compared with C. Maybe because I'm a little older (oh my, I'm pushing 30... eeekk!) or maybe its because C's pregnancy needed to be easy with all the other hard crap I had to deal with; who knows. Emotionally, I was doing well until the last week and then all the fears I had with C came flooding back, but I was prepared for them, so that helped. Also the day after I had this new bundle of cuteness I got a text from K that they told C I had the baby and she responded with "She did?! You mean I have a little sister now?" and she threw her arms up in victory! I broke down sobbing. That is what I was praying for but dared not to hope that C would think of her as a little sister and love her. That also helped any anxiety I was having of C feeling replaced.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Monday, April 8, 2013
It's been "3" weeks since you looked at me...
Holy flashbacks batman! You are welcome for that blast from the past! (yes I know it's only supposed to be "one" week, but it still works)
Okay, now that its been 3 weeks since we found out Turtle is a girl I've gotten over my shock!
Don't get me wrong I still have my "oh crap, what am I going to do with a girl" moments but its all out of awe and joy. I'm super excited to have a sweet girl and I'm looking forward to watching my husband's melt into a big pile of goo.
Ty has been really good to me. I feel like crap most of the time and still get grossed out by raw meat so he always has to cook dinner. He caters to most of my cravings (yet managing him to bring me food on his lunch break hasn't worked yet) and will eat them with me. Heck if I have to gain some pounds he needs to too! Sure he'll lose it super fast, so maybe I should make him eat more after Turtle is born while I'm working on dropping the baby weight so I can have bragging rights? Seem fair to me!
We've enjoyed every moment so far and she has just started last week making her presence known outwardly buy making my bally dance! It is very amusing to watch and even funnier when she stops just as daddy comes over to see and starts back up when he has given up hope of watching her move and goes back to whatever he was doing beforehand. I like to think he already has a calming effect on her and hope this continues when she is in our arms.
Though like I thought might happen I've caught myself trying to call her C's name. Now I know this just may be a normal occurrence to all 2nd (and beyond) time moms but it makes me feel bad. I wonder if we pick out an official name if that will help. I just don't know. I am missing C more than ever since the initial placement process (I don't think I will or wish to ever feel that again, it is beyond horrible even when you know you are doing the right thing). I pray both girls never feel replaced or just a consolation prize because they are both deeply loved and cherished. I also have to keep giving these feelings to God and let Him handle it or else I'm just going to give myself a complex!
Ohboy girl, here we go!
Okay, now that its been 3 weeks since we found out Turtle is a girl I've gotten over my shock!
Don't get me wrong I still have my "oh crap, what am I going to do with a girl" moments but its all out of awe and joy. I'm super excited to have a sweet girl and I'm looking forward to watching my husband's melt into a big pile of goo.
Ty has been really good to me. I feel like crap most of the time and still get grossed out by raw meat so he always has to cook dinner. He caters to most of my cravings (yet managing him to bring me food on his lunch break hasn't worked yet) and will eat them with me. Heck if I have to gain some pounds he needs to too! Sure he'll lose it super fast, so maybe I should make him eat more after Turtle is born while I'm working on dropping the baby weight so I can have bragging rights? Seem fair to me!
We've enjoyed every moment so far and she has just started last week making her presence known outwardly buy making my bally dance! It is very amusing to watch and even funnier when she stops just as daddy comes over to see and starts back up when he has given up hope of watching her move and goes back to whatever he was doing beforehand. I like to think he already has a calming effect on her and hope this continues when she is in our arms.
Though like I thought might happen I've caught myself trying to call her C's name. Now I know this just may be a normal occurrence to all 2nd (and beyond) time moms but it makes me feel bad. I wonder if we pick out an official name if that will help. I just don't know. I am missing C more than ever since the initial placement process (I don't think I will or wish to ever feel that again, it is beyond horrible even when you know you are doing the right thing). I pray both girls never feel replaced or just a consolation prize because they are both deeply loved and cherished. I also have to keep giving these feelings to God and let Him handle it or else I'm just going to give myself a complex!
Oh
Monday, March 18, 2013
The Big Reveal!
What is Turtle?!!
The day has finally arrived!
Now I didn't want an actual party, I just wanted a fun way to find out the news.
So a Sunday after church when we all hangout and eat was perfect!
This Sunday also happened to be Saint Patrick's day and the day of our church's VBS fundraiser at a local restaurant, so all of our friends would be going.
We don't have family anywhere near us, so our church family got to do the honors!
So what do you do when all you see for gender reveal ideas are cake or a box of balloons?
Why silly string of course!
We bought 72 cans in advance (The cheapest way to get them, even in bulk is your local Dollar Tree). A sweet friend came over on the day of the ultrasound to get the TOP SECRET ENVELOPE and exchange all the wrong colors for the right ones! She also wrapped them all in paper that I provided and removed all the lids so no one would accidentally know before the countdown!
I made one to get a feel for the look before she came to get them!
She then proceeds to let me know they are ready to go via picture
which of course just tortures me! 3 days of waiting!!!
Now it is time to find out!!!
My Joy for 2013
This has been really hard to keep a secret. One that only 5 people knew of for 8 weeks until we could surprise our family on Christmas day. We were all cautious though because of of the last two losses I had early on, but we had hope after we got to see the heartbeat. We never got that far before.
So after the excitement and joy of Christmas I didn't care that people close to me started to find out, just as long as no one shared our not-so-secrect secret with all those in facebookland.
Jump to 14 weeks, the start of the next phase, I held my breath as I posted the last ultrasound picture I received on Facebook. I called him Turtle and every one cheered. I waited for the next few days to pass and was relieved when I didn't have to post another sad story just days after I announced like I did last time. The weeks went by, my morning sickness eased (Thank the Lord), and my excitement grew with my belly that was expanding. Everyone thought I knew something I wasn't sharing as I always referred to Turtle as "he". I had to explain all the time that I was just calling "it" a "he" until I knew any better because referring to this or any precious baby as "it" never sat well with me. I also just really wanted a boy first for many reason, some the same as most people of wanting a protector, a big brother for future little sisters; and then for the main reason that a lot of people just don't seem to understand. If you've read any of my past blogs you know that I had a daughter whom I placed in open adoption. I am a birth mother. I have fears, worries, that if I have a girl first then C would feel like I'm just replacing her with another girl. I NEVER want her to feel that way. I also worry that I may second guess my self in why I'm doing certain things with a girl, that I would try to be making up for all the things I missed out on with not parenting C, basically I fear I may think I'm subconsciously replacing C. I assume that is more of a second child around situation with the "how could I love another child as much as my first" feelings. Either way, I want a boy!
Now we are at 20 weeks currently, half way there! We had a ultrasound this past Thursday but told the doctor performing the ultrasound that we didn't want to know the sex of the baby yet and asked if she could write it down and put it in an envelope. It was amazing to see our baby move around and my husband was in such awe. He hasn't been able to go to my monthly appointments and only saw Turtle one other time at an early ultrasound at 7 weeks, where he was still just so small that he looked like a smear. So now he gets to hear his first in utero heartbeat and you could see the water build up in his eyes. It is so very different to have someone go through all of this with you than it is alone. So moments like those means the world to me. God has truly blessed me with this man and I can't wait to meet the one whom He has entrusted us with bringing into this world!
So after the excitement and joy of Christmas I didn't care that people close to me started to find out, just as long as no one shared our not-so-secrect secret with all those in facebookland.
Jump to 14 weeks, the start of the next phase, I held my breath as I posted the last ultrasound picture I received on Facebook. I called him Turtle and every one cheered. I waited for the next few days to pass and was relieved when I didn't have to post another sad story just days after I announced like I did last time. The weeks went by, my morning sickness eased (Thank the Lord), and my excitement grew with my belly that was expanding. Everyone thought I knew something I wasn't sharing as I always referred to Turtle as "he". I had to explain all the time that I was just calling "it" a "he" until I knew any better because referring to this or any precious baby as "it" never sat well with me. I also just really wanted a boy first for many reason, some the same as most people of wanting a protector, a big brother for future little sisters; and then for the main reason that a lot of people just don't seem to understand. If you've read any of my past blogs you know that I had a daughter whom I placed in open adoption. I am a birth mother. I have fears, worries, that if I have a girl first then C would feel like I'm just replacing her with another girl. I NEVER want her to feel that way. I also worry that I may second guess my self in why I'm doing certain things with a girl, that I would try to be making up for all the things I missed out on with not parenting C, basically I fear I may think I'm subconsciously replacing C. I assume that is more of a second child around situation with the "how could I love another child as much as my first" feelings. Either way, I want a boy!
Now we are at 20 weeks currently, half way there! We had a ultrasound this past Thursday but told the doctor performing the ultrasound that we didn't want to know the sex of the baby yet and asked if she could write it down and put it in an envelope. It was amazing to see our baby move around and my husband was in such awe. He hasn't been able to go to my monthly appointments and only saw Turtle one other time at an early ultrasound at 7 weeks, where he was still just so small that he looked like a smear. So now he gets to hear his first in utero heartbeat and you could see the water build up in his eyes. It is so very different to have someone go through all of this with you than it is alone. So moments like those means the world to me. God has truly blessed me with this man and I can't wait to meet the one whom He has entrusted us with bringing into this world!
(The secret is inside!)
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